C. Shakespeare and the Authorised Version than Michael Angelo Avallone Jnr. aka Dora Highland Max Walker Stuart Jason Priscilla Dalton Edwina Noone Troy Conway (specifically when turning out such epics of literary tackiness as The Blow-Your-Mind Job The Cunning Linguist and A Stiff Proposition) and a host of other more or less absurd aliases"A writer of enormous energy and speed Avallone may have published as many as 250 novels embracing all genres (including the first "Man From UNCLE" novelization which alas I no longer have) With such prolific production came some of the most inadvertently funny sentences ever writtenSome examples from The Independent obit (which I suspect borrowed from "Gun in Cheek" Bill Pronzinis inspired collection of awful genre writing):"The next day dawned bright and clear on my empty stomach" "Dolores came around the bed with the speed of a big ape She descended on me like a tree full of the same apes she looked like" "The door chimes were still whirling Beethoven in his grave when I rushed to meet him" "I didn't know it then but a real big key to a door I didn't even know existed was staring me in the face" "My bewilderment took on a couple of new glands" "Her gasp almost blew the door down" "Her hips were beautifully arched and her breasts were like proud flags waving triumphantly"Case closedA scan of Avallones "Girl From UNCLE" novelization revealed this gem: "Tugs and seagoing freighters mooed like enormous cows in the harbor" The next reader will no doubt find moreSo enter the contest by telling us in 200 words or less why you should have these books Nostalgia humor and wit are highly encouraged Perhaps you remember the books fondly and want another peek before its time to shuffle off to the land of Del Webb Perhaps youre an offspring whod like to see what certain parents read when they should have been slogging through "Ivanhoe" Whatever the motive take these books off my hands PleaseAnd beware those enormous cows in the harborCosgrove is a former Daily News reporter and editor who writes about movies and books at My Hyperbaric Film Festival Gupta and Mr. a U. when tweets surfaced from Edwards,Ugg Classic Short,"Hefners questions were the same as anyones,Ugg Classic Short Boots, “An American in Hollywood.” said Daly.
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